Have You Watched The Netflix Documentary The Tinder Swindler?

Have you seen the Netflix documentary The Tinder Swindler? This documentary explains how a con man used Tinder to meet women, sweep them off their feet, and then sweep away their bank accounts. The financial, psychological, and emotional damage he callously inflicted on these women was tremendous. One woman was left so deeply in debt by the scam that she described contemplating ending her life.

While the examples in the show may sound extreme, from my vantage point as a dating coach for women, there is nothing new under the sun. The stories were not terribly shocking to me. There are always going to be a certain percentage of men out there who will use women’s tendency to love deeply, completely, and perhaps at times blindly to their advantage at great cost to the woman.

While not every bad dating choice ruins your bank account directly, I think we can all attest that such choices can damage your spirit, your self-esteem, and possibly fray other areas of life such a work performance, family relationships, etc.

I think the show underscores some boundaries that the everyday woman can be mindful of in her dating life. As a dating expert with a degree in Criminology, I can tell you that most con men are looking for an easy target.

The most important principle I want to share with you is that it’s helpful to have a structure for dating in place before you even enter the dating pool. That structure should include identifying boundaries for yourself before you even go on the first date. Boundaries that I teach my clients (that would have helped the women in the show not become a target for this con man) include don’t meet a new guy at his place, don’t drop your schedule to meet or go away with him at the last minute, don’t sleep with him right away, don’t think researching him online means you “know” him, don’t put yourself in a dangerous position by agreeing to trips or extensive time together before you’ve really gotten to know him, and avoid “rescuing” behaviors such as loaning him money (see my blog 03/02/22 for more on "rescuing" behaviors). Setting up a dating structure is what I do for my clients to help them weed out the users and the manipulators.

As I always tell my clients, character is the most important thing to look for in a man. It takes time to get to know a man’s character. Character is not something you can ascertain by viewing his Instagram account or doing a Google search. I believe that it takes at least 6 months to know what a man’s character is like. Go slow, and get to know him over time. If it’s really the love of the century, you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy it, so there is no need to rush in and throw caution to the wind in the courtship process. Con men in love and business depend on getting you swept up in the heat of the moment and losing your head. If you abandon structure and boundaries in dating in favor of letting him quickly sweep you off your feet, you may come to find that he’s swept you off your feet only to steal your shoes (or worse).

-  “Coach Cori” McGraw at the Love Academy for Women

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